They (the “experts”, whoever they are) say that when you can’t sleep you should do anything but watch the clock. To watch the clock, these experts say, will only cause you to panic as you watch the night dwindle away, which will in turn cause more sleeplessness.
I’ve prayed. I’ve read. I’ve watched seven or more episodes of Grey’s Anatomy in one night. I’ve taken Benadryl, or Melatonin. I’ve had a glass of wine or warm milk before bed. I’ve given up my afternoon cup of coffee. I’ve moved to the couch. But still I do not sleep.
Oh, I fall asleep, but as soon as the slightest thing jars me, I’m awake, and likely for good. Something must be troubling me and at least if I were anxious about something, I could tell someone. But I’m not. I’m just awake. Just watching the minutes tick by, thinking I should probably do something productive, but knowing I’m too tired to do it.
Somewhere, my heart must be breaking for someone or some thing, and this is how my body is responding. I just wish that I knew who or what was causing the heartbreak.